<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Lightning In Your Eyes by Samunderthelights</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338923">Lightning In Your Eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights'>Samunderthelights</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1980s, Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, Elio Perlman &amp; Marzia Friendship, Eliver - Freeform, Falling In Love, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, Hook-Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealousy, Light Angst, London, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:21:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After an uneventful summer last year, Elio decides to spend this summer travelling through Europe. The final stop is London.<br/>While he's there, he runs into someone he had only ever seen in pictures. This stranger - this Oliver - was supposed to have spent last summer with the Perlmans in Italy, but he had never shown up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oliver/Elio Perlman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Fallen Angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>After Elio had spent most of last summer with Marzia – before breaking up with her just as they were saying goodbye – he figured it would be best not to go to Italy this year. He was eighteen now, old enough to go see more of the world by himself.</p><p>He had had the biggest plans, but after spending most of his savings on hotels and cheap drinks all across Europe, most of those plans had ended up going down the drain. He had mostly ended up going to museums and clubs, at night he would get drunk with strangers, and in the morning he would regret it.</p><p>Only to do it all over again.</p><p>He had spent his last money travelling to London and getting a cheap hotel room there. But that didn’t stop him from enjoying himself. He had spent the day walking around, taking in the view. Ignoring his hunger. Saving his last few dollars for the night.</p><p>As he is handing the bartender his last money, he can’t help but regret it though. There is still a week to go, and he can’t go without food for that long, can he?</p><p>That’s a worry for tomorrow though, he decides, before chugging down his drink. Now really regretting not having anything to eat all day. Because within minutes he can feel himself starting to get woozy.</p><p>He won’t let it stop him though. He slides onto the dancefloor, the music so loud that he can feel it in every fibre of his being. He closes his eyes, for a moment thinking back to last year. To dancing with Marzia, to kissing her – to his mind wandering off and wishing she was someone – anyone else.</p><p>He had spoken to Marzia on the phone over the last year, and she had forgiven him for hurting her the way he had. She had even agreed that they would be better off as friends. As strong as their friendship had become, he hadn’t been completely honest with her. Not about the whys. Not about where his thoughts had wandered off to, not about the stranger he had been thinking of when they had been fucking.</p><p>He had only ever seen his face in a picture, and he hadn’t allowed himself to look at it for more than a minute. Yet he hadn’t been able to get the face out of his head all throughout the summer.</p><p>That face, which he now spots not too far away in the crowd.</p><p>The man – the stranger is dancing with a woman his own age, and he seems to be getting caught up in it. Until she tries to kiss him, that is. He laughs it off, before whispering something in her ear and making his way through the crowd – just past Elio – over to the bar.</p><p>Elio can’t even hear the music anymore, too shocked to find the man here. In London of all places.</p><p>He wishes he could go up to him and introduce himself to him, but what would he say? What would the stranger think?</p><p>So he watches as the man laughs – even flirts – with the bartender, before sliding back into the crowd. Never going back to the woman.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Elio hadn’t been able to sleep all night, nor had he been able to take in any of the things he had seen today. Still thinking about the man he had seen. Surely he must have mistaken him for someone else. After all, he had only seen his picture for a minute or so. He probably looked nothing like that man in the club.</p><p>Yet there had been something about him, about that big, carefree grin on his face. The way he had danced as though no one was watching, that had made Elio feel the way he had done when he had first seen his picture. His name.</p><p>
  <em>Oliver.</em>
</p><p>Even thinking about it now makes his heart skip a beat.</p><p>He hadn’t been brave enough to go up to talk to him though. In the end he had watched him leave, and he himself had gone back to his hotel. Where he had stolen a tray of leftover food from outside someone else’s room, before finishing it. Sure that it would be the last thing he’d eat for quite some time.</p><p>Elio can’t help but laugh to himself, just thinking of what Mafalda would say to him if she knew about this. But then the smile leaves his face, his stomach grumbling just thinking of the things she would be making him. If only he had gone to Italy with his parents.</p><p>But he hadn’t gone to Italy. He had found himself in London, and somehow he had ended up at the same place as – possibly – Oliver.</p><p>How in the world was he going to find him now that he had let him out of his sight though?</p><p>The only thing he could come up with was to go back to the club and hope to see him again. But as the night progresses with still no sight of him anywhere, he’s almost ready to give up and forget about the whole thing.</p><p>Just as he’s about to leave, he spots the tall – and very handsome – man in the crowd. There is no way he is going to let him get away again, so he pushes through the crowd to get near him. Not a clue what to do next.</p><p>The man seems to have noticed him though, because he turns his attention to him, and without saying a word he starts dancing with him. Elio not used to this. But no one even seems to notice that this stranger has wrapped an arm around his waist, or that he is grinding their hips together in a way that makes Elio want to either run away or fuck him right then and there.</p><p>“Hey there.” The man grins after a song or two.</p><p>Elio pulls his t-shirt down, trying to hide the effect the man’s touch has had on him. But what’s the point? With the way he had kept touching him, surely he must know. He doesn’t seem bothered by it though. Not at all.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Elio manages to bring out, terrified to hear any name other than Oliver.</p><p>“Oliver. And you are?”</p><p>“Elio.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Elio.” Oliver flashes another smile, before teasing a hand around his waist and pulling him closer as the music grows louder again. “How about a drink?”</p><p>Elio follows him to the bar, trying to come up with excuses as to why he really doesn’t need a drink. But without a word, Oliver pays for the drinks. Elio breathing a sigh of relief.</p><p>“So, Elio… what brings you to London? You’re not from around here, are you?”</p><p>“Are you?” Elio blurts out, still trying to reassure himself that this really is the Oliver whose picture he had seen on his parents’ papers.</p><p>“I’m not. Just visiting.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Oliver flashing a knowing smile, before downing the rest of his drink.</p><p>“How about another dance?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio was expecting Oliver to grow bored of him after another dance – maybe two – but Oliver had stuck with him. Ignoring all the other men and women who had been trying to get his attention. Either not noticing them, or too caught up in Elio to care.</p><p>With the club almost closing, they had found themselves going outside for a smoke. Elio preparing himself for the worst part of the night. The saying goodbye. The knowing that he will never see him again.</p><p>He tells himself that he was lucky, getting to meet him after not having met him last summer. But to lose him now? It feels like losing a friend, even though he doesn’t even know him. Not really.</p><p>“Come here,” Oliver says, after throwing away his cigarette.</p><p>He grabs Elio’s hand, and he drags him into the alley next to the club.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?” he whispers, his hands gripping tightly onto the younger man’s hips.</p><p>Elio just nods, certain that if he were to open his mouth right now, not a word would come out.</p><p>Oliver leans in to kiss him, his kiss tasting of cigarettes and that horrible drink he had ordered earlier. But Elio doesn’t even care. Marzia’s kisses had left him bored. He had kissed her to pass the time, he had fucked her because he was horny and she was there. But Oliver’s kisses make him wrap his arms around him, wanting to have more of him. All of him.</p><p>When Oliver breaks free from him, he almost asks him to please come back. But he keeps the words to himself, and he watches as Oliver runs his hands through his hair, his face flushed – either from the heat inside the club, the drinking or making out with Elio – an overwhelmed grin on his face.</p><p>“I saw you,” he finally says, looking back at Elio. “Here. Last night.”</p><p>“You did?”</p><p>Oliver looks like he’s about to say something else, but he changes his mind. Instead, he gives Elio a quick kiss, before grabbing his hand and leading him out of the alley.</p><p>Elio figures that this is it, and he opens his mouth to tell him goodbye. To thank him? To tell him he will miss him? Everything sounds wrong, and he isn’t sure whether he should tell him he knew him even before last night. But before he can get a chance to say anything, Oliver looks back at him, a smile on his face.</p><p>“Want to go out for breakfast?”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Underpass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Elio had followed Oliver to the café across the street, excited at the prospect of getting to spend more time with him. But as soon as they step inside, reality hits him</p><p>“I should ehm… I just remembered that I have to be somewhere,” he mumbles, trying not to hide how uncomfortable he is. How embarrassed. How badly he now wishes that he wouldn’t have spent all his money on partying with strangers.</p><p>“You have to be somewhere?” Oliver asks, the corner of his mouth curling up into a knowing grin. “At this time?”</p><p>“Yeah, I ehm…”</p><p>“Go on, sit down,” Oliver laughs. “My treat.”</p><p>Elio does as he is told, watching as the other man places their order – laughing and flirting once again – before joining him.</p><p>“How did you know I…,” Elio begins, but he swallows back the rest of the words. Not sure he should admit to how stupid he’s been these last few weeks.</p><p>“I recognize the look. I’ve been there,” Oliver admits, before changing the subject. “So, how long are you in London for?”</p><p>“A few days.” Elio shrugs. “Then I go to my…”</p><p>“Family?”</p><p>“Mhm,” Elio mumbles, feeling very self-conscious right now. At the club he had felt brave, but here at the café he feels his age. He feels like he is about be found out somehow. “In Italy.”</p><p>He looks for some kind of sign of recognition on Oliver’s face, but Oliver just nods, before flashing another smile.</p><p>“Italy, huh? What made you come here, when you could have stayed in Italy?”</p><p>“Needed a change, I guess.”</p><p>He almost tells Oliver about last summer – about Marzia. About how he couldn’t stop thinking about him, even though they hadn’t actually met yet. But he manages to keep the words in, not wanting to scare him off.</p><p>“Why are you here?” he blurts out instead.</p><p>“Needed a change, I guess.” Oliver shrugs, copying Elio’s words, but not in a mocking manner.</p><p>“A change from what?”</p><p>“Life back home.”</p><p>Elio can’t help but smile at how it is that they both want to know more – yet how determined they are to keep their lives to themselves. It makes him wonder though – what is it that Oliver is hiding?</p><p>But then he shrugs off the thought, because who says that he is hiding anything? Just because Elio feels like he has known him for the longest time, does not mean that Oliver feels the same way. Maybe he just doesn’t want to share his life story with the stranger he has just picked up at a club.</p><p>Their full English gets served, and Elio tucks in, his stomach still grumbling. He is so happy to be eating that he doesn’t realize that Oliver is sitting back, not touching his food. He is drinking his coffee, a pensive look on his face.</p><p>When he comes up for air – his mouth still full of beans – Elio finally realizes that Oliver is watching him. He quickly drops his fork, ready to apologize – although for what he isn’t sure. But before he can speak the words, Oliver sets down his coffee and he begins to speak.</p><p>“Where are you staying?”</p><p>“Oh, ehm… some hotel not too far from here. Why? Do you want to go there?”</p><p>“Best not to,” Oliver chuckles. “Will you be alright?”</p><p>“Of course, why…?”</p><p>“Can you afford to stay there for the rest of your stay?” Oliver asks. Elio knows that he means well, but he finds the question somehow offensive and intrusive. Embarrassing. What’s it to him?</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Without starving yourself?”</p><p>Elio can feel his cheeks growing warm, a knowing grin forming on Oliver’s face.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Like I said, I’ve been there,” he laughs. “I came here with a buddy of mine, but he had to leave early. We’d already booked the room, so…” He shakes his head, smiling to himself when he sees the look on Elio’s face. “Relax, I’m just offering a room. Nothing more.”</p><p>“What if I do want more?”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Oliver grins. “Just finish your food before it gets cold, yeah?”</p><p>“And after?”</p><p>“Then we’ll talk about the room. Now eat.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio had tried to figure out why this stranger was offering him a room to stay in, when they had only just met a few hours before. Was it possible that Oliver had recognized him too? He hadn’t given him any signs that he did though, not when he had told him his name, nor when he had mentioned Italy.</p><p>“Are you sure about this?” Elio asks, after they have left the café and they’re on their way to his hotel. “I’ve already paid for the room, so…”</p><p>“I’ll get you your money back. There’s no need for you to starve.”</p><p>“Why are you doing this? Why do you care?”</p><p>“Why do I care?” Oliver laughs. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”</p><p>“Not bad, just…”</p><p>“Just what?” Oliver asks – dares him.</p><p>Elio doesn’t answer though, not wanting to say the wrong thing and mess things up. If this gives him a chance at spending more time with Oliver then he will take it. Even if it means that he will have to ignore that gut feeling that tells him that there is more to this. That he should be asking more questions.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio had already paid for the room, and whether he stayed or left, he couldn’t get his money back. Just as he had thought. Oliver had told him to go and pack though, and he promised him he would take care of it. Elio had still been a little hesitant though, but by the time he had come back downstairs into the hotel lobby, he didn’t find Oliver still arguing with the hotel manager – as he thought he would. Instead, Oliver was waiting by the door, cash in his hand.</p><p>“How did you…”</p><p>“I have my ways.” Oliver had grinned.</p><p>The thought of Oliver flirting – or worse - with the elderly lady to get his money back had made him feel slightly sick to his stomach. So he hadn’t asked for details. Better not to know.</p><p>He had followed Oliver to his hotel, still half-expecting to find out it was some kind of joke he didn’t understand. But after a quick conversation to explain what had happened, Oliver had gotten the key to the room back, and he had given it to Elio.</p><p>They had gone up to the room, and where Elio’s room had been tiny – and dirty – this was the kind of room he could have only dreamt of. The bed so inviting, that he could feel his exhaustion washing over him just looking at it.</p><p>“You should get some sleep,” Oliver says, when he catches Elio trying to hold back a yawn. He turns to leave, and Elio knows that he is right, but he still remembers how Oliver had kissed him in that alley, and he wants more of it.</p><p>“Wait, Oliver?” he asks, his heart skipping a beat as the name leaves his mouth. Having thought about it so many times over the last summer that it almost feels unreal to be able to say it out loud now.</p><p>Oliver turns back around, waiting for Elio to ask him – or tell him something. Instead, Elio wraps his arms around his neck, before kissing him hungrily. Wanting to continue where they had left off at the club.</p><p>Oliver gently frees himself from his grip though, a small – somewhat uncomfortable smile on his face.</p><p>“We shouldn’t.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“Get some sleep, Elio.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio hadn’t worried about Oliver’s rejection for long – too exhausted to lie awake. But now that he’s left his room to go and find the other man – realizing he doesn’t actually know which is his room – he wonders if he has gotten this whole thing wrong. Oliver had kissed him back at the club, hadn’t he? He had offered him a place to stay. So why had he rejected him?</p><p>A dozen reasons are running through Elio’s mind, all of them leaving him feel embarrassed. But when he finds Oliver sitting in the hotel restaurant - enjoying a coffee while reading today’s paper - he doesn’t run away. He doesn’t apologize.</p><p>Instead he joins him, pretending it hadn’t happened. He flashes a smile, before taking the coffee from Oliver’s hand and taking a sip.</p><p>“How about we go out again tonight?” Oliver suggests, as he slowly folds up the paper before lying it down on the chair next to him. “Together.”</p><p>“You’re not sick of me yet?” Elio teases, but Oliver just shakes his head, a knowing grin on his face.</p><p>“Let’s have something to eat, huh?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After they had had lunch, Oliver had taken him to his favorite bookstore – where they had spent the rest of the day talking about books, about writers. About history.</p><p>It had made Elio wonder what last summer would have been like if they had spent it together. Would they have spent their days like this? Would they have become friends? Would they still be friends?</p><p>After the store had closed, they had come back to the hotel to get ready for the night. Only then had Elio found out that Oliver was staying in the room next to his, and when Oliver was about to close the door connecting their rooms, he had asked him to keep it open. He didn’t think Oliver would do it, but he had left it open before disappearing into his own room.</p><p>Elio had listened, before trying to sneak a peek into his room. But Oliver was already in the bathroom, and the only sound he could make out was the flushing of the toilet, and the shower running.</p><p>So he had gone to have a shower himself, and by the time he steps back into his room – wearing just a towel – he finds Oliver sitting on his bed.</p><p>It takes him by such surprise that for a few seconds he just stands there staring at him. Half-waiting for him to speak, explain what he’s doing here. But Oliver doesn’t speak, he just sits there and watches him.</p><p>Elio hopes that this means what he thinks it means, or this is about to get real embarrassing.</p><p>He drops the towel, before climbing onto Oliver’s lap, his legs straddling his thighs. He wraps his arms around his neck, before kissing him. Oliver running his hands over his naked back, before grabbing a firm hold of his ass.</p><p>“Elio…,” he sighs, when he finally breaks the kiss. “We can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?” Elio asks, his arms still wrapped around Oliver’s neck. “Isn’t this why you…”</p><p>“Why you’re here?” Oliver asks, now gently picking him up, before setting him down on the bed. “It’s not.”</p><p>“But… I thought…,” Elio tries, but when the other man hands him his towel so he can cover himself up, it makes him feel even more embarrassed. “I thought you wanted this too.”</p><p>“I do,” Oliver admits, “but we can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I know who you are, Elio.”</p><p>“What do you mean, you know who I am?” Elio asks, as he wraps the towel around himself. “Why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>“Because I wanted to get to know you?” Oliver admits, but it comes out as a question. “I recognized you at the club.”</p><p>“How? You never…”</p><p>“Your parents sent me pictures,” Oliver explains, and when he sees the confused look on the younger man’s face, he quickly adds, “Of all of you. So I knew who I would be staying with.”</p><p>So Oliver had recognized him. He had remembered him. The excitement rushes through Elio at this realization, but he is still left sitting on the bed, rejected once again.</p><p>“Is that why you helped me?” he asks, his mind racing. “Why did you kiss me?”</p><p>“Why did I kiss you?” Oliver laughs. “Because I wanted to?”</p><p>“Then why can’t we… I mean…”</p><p>“I’m sure your parents wouldn’t be very pleased if they found out that you and I…”</p><p>“They won’t mind,” Elio cuts him off. “They don’t care about stuff like that.”</p><p>“Then you’re lucky, Elio,” Oliver sighs, “But we shouldn’t.”</p><p>“It’s not like I’d have to tell them. They won’t have to find out about any of this. We could just…”</p><p>Oliver puts his hand on Elio’s thigh, making him stop in the middle of his sentence. He looks like he’s about to say something, but Elio isn’t sure if he wants to hear what he’s about to say right now. So he leans in, and he kisses him. Hoping that it will convince him that it’s okay. That what they are doing isn’t wrong.</p><p>But Oliver gently pushes him away, his cheeks flushed.</p><p>“It wouldn’t be right.”</p><p>“I recognized you too,” Elio blurts out. “That’s why I came back to the club. Because I knew who you were.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I want you, Oliver.”</p><p>“You’re really going to make this hard on me, aren’t you?” Oliver chuckles uncomfortably. “Go on, get dressed.”</p><p>“But what about…,” Elio begins, but when Oliver gives his thigh a squeeze, the words get stuck in his throat. He places his hand on Oliver’s, lacing their fingers together for just a second, before leaning in to press a kiss to his shoulder. “Let’s stay in.”</p><p>“Let’s not,” Oliver laughs, pressing a kiss into his hair before getting up from off the bed. “I’ll see you in ten.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Photographic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A huge thank you for all the lovely comments!! I'm used to finishing writing a story before I start posting it, but I'm posting this as I'm writing it. So it's a bit of a change for me! But your comments have been great encouragement to keep writing. So thank you!! ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>When Oliver had suggested they’d go out together again that night, Elio had assumed that this meant that he would have Oliver’s undivided attention. He didn’t think that Oliver would leave him after a song or two to go and dance with some girl, or that he would spend the longest time flirting with the bartender.</p><p>Elio knew that he simply could have ignored it, and he could have spent his night dancing with other people too. Or he could have just enjoyed the music and still have a great night. Instead, he had let it ruin his night, and he had not taken his eyes off the other man. Just watching him, not a care in the world – not caring about him – it had made him grow angry. Jealous.</p><p>By the time Oliver finally seems to remember him, Elio feels like he’s about to explode. So he doesn’t return his smile, and he slaps his hands away when he tries to grab hold of his waist.</p><p>“What has gotten into?” Oliver laughs.</p><p>“What do you think?” Elio spits out, “You asked me to come here, and then you just…” He waves his hand around, making Oliver chuckle.</p><p>“Wait, are you…?”</p><p>Elio feels even more uncomfortable when he realizes that he isn’t being taken seriously. At all. He can feel his cheeks flush, but before he can even defend himself, Oliver explains, “I didn’t think you’d want to be stuck with me all night.”</p><p>He flashes a reassuring smile, and this time when he puts his hand on Elio’s waist he doesn’t get slapped away. “I’m sorry, okay?”</p><p>“Whatever,” Elio mumbles, starting to feel embarrassed at how upset he had gotten, when he could have just gone over to him. Last night he had been confident to go up to him, to flirt – to kiss him – but after this afternoon’s rejection he isn’t quite sure what it is that Oliver wants from him anymore.</p><p>“Will you let me make it up to you?”</p><p>Oliver pulls him closer to kiss him, and after what had happened that afternoon, it’s the last thing that Elio was expecting to happen. He even half-expects Oliver to tell him off, even though <em>he </em>was the one to kiss him. But Oliver doesn’t tell him off. He simply flashes one of his big smiles – which make Elio forget all about the anger or jealousy – before bringing his mouth to his ear and teasing, “Better?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time they get back to the hotel, Elio feels the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He jumps into Oliver’s arms as soon as they step into his room – nearly knocking him over – but Oliver wraps his arms around him, and he carries him over to the couch. He gives him a quick kiss before setting him down and stepping away from him.</p><p>Elio isn’t quite sure what to make of the look on his face, but before he gets a chance to ask what it is that he wants, Oliver has already turned to go into the bathroom.</p><p>Elio looks over to the bed, then over his shoulder to the door leading to his own room. Not sure whether Oliver is expecting him to be gone by the time he comes out of the bathroom, or if he wants him to stay.</p><p>Some of last night’s bravery comes back to him, and he gets up before getting out of his clothes. He then climbs into Oliver’s bed, closing his eyes and breathing in deep when he realizes that it smells of him.</p><p>He still has his eyes closed when he hears Oliver saying his name. He tries to figure out if he sounds upset, excited. Angry? But he can’t make it out, so he opens his eyes, and when he sees Oliver leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, a big grin on his face, he breathes a sigh of relief.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“Waiting for you?” Elio answers, before quickly adding, “Is that okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Oliver nods. “It is.”</p><p>Oliver watches him for a moment longer, before turning off the lights. There is still some moonlight coming into the room, but it takes a moment for Elio’s eyes to adjust to the dark and by the time they have, Oliver is about to climb into bed with him.</p><p>Elio gets goosebumps all over when he feels the heat radiating off Oliver’s body – when he feels his warm hand gently caressing his arm, before he places his hand on the side of his neck – his thumb softly caressing his skin.</p><p>Oliver looks like he’s about to say something, but then he shakes his head, smiling to himself.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, before leaning in to kiss him.</p><p>Elio still remembers how Oliver had rejected him just hours before, but this time when he deepens the kiss – his hand grabbing onto Oliver’s waist – there’s something in the air that tells him that tonight it isn’t going to end like that.</p><p>The moment Oliver breaks the kiss, Elio takes the opportunity to climb on top of him. The feeling of skin on skin sending a thrill through his body that makes him gasp for air. He places his hands on Oliver’s chest, more to support himself than anything else. Too overwhelmed right now to get himself to stop shivering.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Oliver whispers as he grabs hold of Elio’s hands.</p><p>“Mhm,” Elio mumbles, something about the nervous smile on the other man’s face making him feel better. “I’m okay.”</p><p>He leans down, and he kisses him before sitting up again and taking a deep breath. The nerves already replaced by a curious excitement as to what’s about to happen.</p><p>“Are you sure that this is what you want?” Oliver asks, his hands still holding onto Elio’s. “I don’t want to…”</p><p>“I’m sure.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling?” Oliver whispers when Elio opens his eyes. Elio is tucked underneath his arm, their bodies still pressed together. But things feel very different from last night, so Elio moves away from him, a crooked, uncomfortable smile on his face. “Did I hurt you?”</p><p>Elio shakes his head, but even though Oliver hasn’t physically hurt him, he is in fact hurting. He feels a sickening cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, the voice in the back of his mind telling him that last night was a mistake. That he is going to leave London with his heart broken because of it.</p><p>“Elio, look at me,” Oliver orders, and Elio does as he’s told. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Why didn’t you come to Italy?”</p><p>“Things just… I…” Oliver stammers, before sighing, “Life got in the way.”</p><p>“You’re not going to tell me, then?”</p><p>“The timing just wasn’t right.” Oliver shrugs. “Why? Is that why you’re upset? Last night…”</p><p>“What’s going to happen when we leave London?”</p><p>“What do you… Elio…”</p><p>“Am I ever going to see you again?” Elio asks, but when he sees the small, uncomfortable smile on Oliver’s face, he already knows the answer. “There’s this girl in Italy…”</p><p>“You have a girlfriend?”</p><p>“Marzia,” Elio says, regretting it as soon as he has said it. “I spent last summer with her.”</p><p>“Why are you here, then?” Oliver asks, the corner of his mouth curling up into a smile when Elio shrugs.</p><p>Elio nervously begins to play with the pendant on Oliver’s necklace, trying his best to ignore his stare. But it’s impossible, so he looks back up, his cheeks flushing.</p><p>“Why am I here with you?”</p><p>“Why are you in London?” Oliver asks. “When Marzia…”</p><p>Elio cuts him off by kissing him, not wanting to talk about Marzia anymore. About Italy, about last summer. About the future – even if he was the one to bring it all up. Not even sure <em>why</em> he had brought it up at all. Maybe he just wanted Oliver to be jealous or scared to lose him too.</p><p>“How about we order in breakfast?” Oliver suggests.</p><p>“And stay in bed?” Elio asks, but they both know what he is really asking.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>If it had been up to Elio, they would have stayed in bed all day, but somewhere in the afternoon, Oliver had dragged himself out of bed to go and have a shower. Elio had stayed in bed and he had listened to every sound, still trying to take in all that had happened the night before and that morning. He could still feel the excitement – that rush, and every time he closed his eyes, he could still feel Oliver’s touch. His kiss.</p><p>The moment of bliss hadn’t lasted forever though, because Oliver had dragged him out of bed and told him to get ready, and within minutes they were outside.</p><p>Oliver had shown Elio some of his favorite spots – clearly having been here longer than just a few days – before taking him to Covent Garden. Something about it had made Elio feel like he had come home, and he hadn’t been able to get the smile off his face.</p><p>“I told you you’d like it, didn’t I?” Oliver grins, when they’ve sat down for a coffee. “I love it here.”</p><p>“It’s so…,” Elio begins, but how can he explain the freedom the place makes him feel? How he feels like he can be himself here without holding back. Without being judged.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve spent most of my days here,” Oliver admits, before picking up his cup, an almost shy smile on his face. “Especially at night, it’s… you should see the people that come here. There’s this club out there…”</p><p>“Can we go?” Elio interrupts excitedly.</p><p>“It’s a little…”</p><p>“A little what?”</p><p>“If we go…”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“If!” Oliver laughs, shaking his head at Elio’s puppy-dog excitement. “You might need a new outfit.”</p><p>“Why? What’s wrong with this?” Elio asks, looking down at his jeans shorts and a t-shirt he doesn’t actually remember buying.</p><p>“Oh, you’ll see.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you sure about this?” Elio whispers, looking a little uncomfortable. They are in the market hall, checking out the stalls full of handmade clothes, Elio starting to see what Oliver had meant when he said that he would need a new outfit. The people behind the stalls – the designers Elio assumes – are all dressed up, their hair big, their makeup colorful. Their clothes ranging from black spiked leather to big shiny tops with oversized shoulder pads.</p><p>“You won’t get in dressed like that,” Oliver laughs. “Trust me.”</p><p>“So what will you wear?”</p><p>“I’ve already got an outfit,” Oliver says, and when he sees the younger man checking him out, he shakes his head. “It’s not… you’ll see.”</p><p>“You know I can’t afford any of this, right?” Elio admits, wishing he could buy a new outfit so they could go to that club, but he needs the hotel room money to get through the rest of the week. To now go and spend it on some leather pants would be stupid.</p><p>“I can. So go on, get whatever you want.”</p><p>“Oliver…”</p><p>“Elio,” Oliver mimics, before flashing a reassuring smile. He grabs a somewhat confusing looking contraption with straps out of the rack, but when he sees Elio’s face, he quickly puts it back. “Too much?”</p><p>“I’d probably trip and break my neck,” Elio says, still feeling a little uncomfortable and overwhelmed. But when he sees something shimmering on a rack not too far away, a smile forms on his face. “I think I found something.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Elio, come out…”</p><p>“I’m not coming out!” Elio mutters through the bathroom door. Feeling embarrassed when he sees himself in the mirror, more because of how much he likes what he sees than anything else.</p><p>“If it’s that bad, we’ll stay in,” Oliver laughs, but when the door finally opens and he sees him standing there, the laughter quickly stops. “Wow, you look…”</p><p>“Don’t.”</p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>Elio looks down, the silver shimmering jacket with the thick black belt pulling it in around the waist sending a rush of adrenaline through his veins. Oliver seems to notice how it makes him feel, because he steps up to him and he wraps his arms around him, hugging him tight.</p><p>“Happy?”</p><p>“It feels…,” Elio tries, but then he just smiles into the other man’s chest.</p><p>“You look great.”</p><p>Oliver kisses the top of his head before letting go of him, a knowing grin on his face.</p><p>Elio only now notices Oliver’s outfit – leather jeans and a frilly shirt – and he can’t help but laugh.</p><p>“Yeah, alright!” Oliver laughs. “I told you, you don’t get in if you don’t dress the part. Now come on, let’s go.”</p><p>“Are you going to ignore me again all night?” Elio teases.</p><p>“When you’re looking like that? What do you think?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fade To Grey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  &lt;
</p><p> </p><p>When Elio sees the people waiting to be let into the club, he can feel his stomach drop. He had been more than a little intimidated by the designers he had seen at the market this afternoon, but they had been dressed in rags compared to the people waiting in line. They look like characters from movies, creatures from space. Their outfits all colors and shapes. It feels like stepping into another world, and something about it feels intimidating – like he’ll be found out to be an intruder any time now.</p><p>Yet something about the creativity, the colorfulness of it all makes Elio feel right at home, and he can’t get the smile off his face.</p><p>“Do you think we’ll get in?”</p><p>“I’m sure,” Oliver laughs when he sees Elio nervously checking out to see who is being let in and who isn’t. “Relax.”</p><p>“But they’re all so…”</p><p>“Have you seen yourself?”</p><p>Elio look down at the shimmering silver jacket again, a dark blush on his face when he catches himself thinking how much he likes it. How much he likes all of this. These people Oliver has shown him – this new world he is about to step into.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio was still nervous as anything by the time they were first in line, because he had watched people being turned away time and time again. But the man at the door had taken one look at them before letting them in – the look on his face never changing. Elio hadn’t had too long to think about it though, because as soon as they had stepped inside, he had been so overwhelmed that he had just stood there – his eyes like saucers.</p><p>The club itself was dark and grungy even. But the people – these otherworldly beings – in their glittering larger than life outfits, the music so loud and atmospheric – so overwhelming – it was too much to process.</p><p>So Oliver had wrapped his arm around his shoulder and he had led him to the bar, giving him some time to settle. And after a drink or two, Elio was finally able to shake off that overwhelming feeling. He finally was starting to see that he was one of them, and that he wouldn’t be kicked out if he so much as breathed wrong.</p><p>Oliver had pulled him onto the dancefloor, the music now seeming even louder than when they had come in. Elio can feel it in every fiber of his being, in the way it is forcing him to dance. Forcing him to let go of any inhibitions and just <em>be</em>.</p><p>“Fuck, you’re…,” Oliver breaths into his ear, but the rest of it goes up into the music. Elio almost asks him what he said, but he can already tell by the way Oliver is pulling him closer. In the way he kisses him.</p><p>“Come on,” Elio says, Oliver not hearing a word of it. But Elio grabs his hand, and he leads him through the crowd, out to the grubby toilets.</p><p>They have to push through a group of men fixing their faces or putting the dozenth layer of hairspray in their hair to get to the empty stall in the back. But as soon as they’re in, Elio drops down to his knees.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Oliver laughs, his cheeks flushed.</p><p>“What does it look like I’m doing?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time they leave the toilets, Elio is riding a high like he has never felt before. He can’t get the grin off his face, and every time he catches Oliver’s eye, he bursts out in excited giggles. He can’t stop himself, and normally he’d be embarrassed, but not tonight. Tonight he just doesn’t care. He is too happy.</p><p>But when a man comes over to them – a big smile on his face – he can’t help but wonder if the night is about to be ruined.</p><p>“Ah!” the man laughs, as he pats Oliver – who immediately turns around – on the shoulder. “I thought I recognized you! You decided to come back, then?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Oliver chuckles uncomfortably, before flashing Elio an apologetic smile.</p><p>“Anything I can help you with?”</p><p>“No, thanks. We’re good.”</p><p>The man looks at Elio, the grin on his face growing bigger, before winking at Oliver and walking off.</p><p>“Is he… did you and him…?” Elio asks, not sure if he wants to know the answer.</p><p>“Jealous?” Oliver grins, before pulling him into his arms. “Relax, it was nothing like that. He’s not my type,” he teases, before kissing him and dragging him back onto the dancefloor.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The sun is already starting to come up by the time they get back to the hotel, but Elio isn’t tired yet. The adrenaline is still rushing through his veins and he wishes the night wouldn’t have had to end. Not that being back here is so bad, because as soon as they step into Oliver’s room, Oliver picks him up into his arms and he carries him over to the bed.</p><p>“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispers, as he stands over the bed, watching Elio look up at him. “I wish…”</p><p>“Don’t,” Elio warns him, although he isn’t sure why. Surely Oliver was about to give him a compliment, or say something nice. Yet his gut feeling told him that he didn’t want to hear it. That those words were going to ruin everything.</p><p>“Okay.” Oliver smiles, before leaning down to kiss him. “I’ll go get changed.”</p><p>“Can I stay with you tonight?” Elio asks, even though he’s already on Oliver’s bed.</p><p>“Sure.” Oliver nods, before disappearing into the bathroom.</p><p>Elio quickly goes into his own room, strips off, gets ready for bed and rushes back into Oliver’s room before he comes out of the bathroom – wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, the water still glistening on his chest.</p><p>“That guy…,” Elio begins, more out of curiosity than anything.</p><p>“What guy?”</p><p>“Who recognized you at the club.”</p><p>“I bought some pills off him,” Oliver explains. “That’s all. I don’t know him.”</p><p>“Pills?”</p><p>“Drugs.”</p><p>“Why didn’t we get any tonight?” Elio asks, disappointed. Wanting to experience everything fully, even if that comes with drugs he doesn’t know a thing about.</p><p>“I’m sure your parents would love that,” Oliver laughs.</p><p>“They wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“Right,” Oliver laughs, shaking his head as he drops the towel before climbing into bed with the younger man. “After all the things your father told me about you…”</p><p>“Wait, when… why…”</p><p>“I spoke to your father a few times, when I was supposed to come stay with you,” Oliver explains.</p><p>“What did he say about me?”</p><p>“Just how proud he was of you. That you’re such a good boy,” Oliver whispers, his fingers teasing over the inside of Elio’s thigh. “That you play the piano…”</p><p>“Why didn’t you come?”</p><p>“I told you…”</p><p>“You didn’t tell me,” Elio disagrees. “So why?”</p><p>“The timing wasn’t right.” Oliver shrugs. “Now…” He begins to kiss Elio’s neck, but Elio’s mind is still racing – still too excited from everything he’s seen tonight. Still too curious.</p><p>“The drugs… what were they?”</p><p>“I’m not sure. I didn’t take them.”</p><p>“Do you still have them?” Elio asks excitedly, Oliver now sitting up, a frustrated look on his face.</p><p>“I don’t know, Elio. Does it matter?”</p><p>“Should we try them?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“No!” Oliver spits out, now looking angry. “Forget I said anything about them, okay? Maybe it’s best if you stay in your own room tonight.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”</p><p>“Please, Elio.”</p><p>Elio gets up, and he apologizes again, but he can see that he has gone too far somehow. That he should have just kept his mouth shut. So he goes into his own room and he gets into bed, the happiness he had felt earlier completely gone – replaced by regret and guilt.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Elio is still feeling guilty for taking things too far the night before – or rather that morning. But he knows that he can’t avoid Oliver, so he goes downstairs, and he joins him for breakfast. Not asking if it’s okay and risking getting no for an answer.</p><p>Oliver sets down his coffee, looking as guilty as Elio is feeling.</p><p>“I’m sorry for asking about the drugs,” Elio begins. “I didn’t mean… I just thought… I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have lashed out like that,” Oliver sighs. “I have no excuse, and I’m sorry, Elio.”</p><p>“Do you… can I ask?”</p><p>“I don’t have a drug problem, if that’s what you were going to ask,” Oliver says, Elio’s face going bright red. “I was being stupid when I bought them, and I didn’t take them. I don’t even remember what I ended up doing with them. I probably threw them out.” He shrugs. “It was stupid, and I was embarrassed.”</p><p>“Sorry…”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Oliver says, flashing a reassuring smile. “What are your plans for today?” he asks, changing the subject, for which Elio is more than grateful.</p><p>“I don’t really have any.”</p><p>“Want me to show you some more of London?” Oliver asks. “Unless you’re tired of hanging out with me?”</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Elio laughs, quickly looking down at the table, a little embarrassed at his own enthusiasm.</p><p>“Good.” Oliver flashes a smiles. “We’ll have breakfast first, and then we’ll go to…”</p><p>“Oliver?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Thank you,” Elio mumbles. “For looking after me.”</p><p>“I’m not just doing it for you, you know?”</p><p>“For my parents?” Elio teases, kicking his foot against Oliver’s underneath the table. “My dad never told me he’d talked to you.”</p><p>“I guess he didn’t find our conversations very interesting, then,” Oliver laughs, but when he sees a hint of doubt in Elio’s eyes, he rolls his eyes. “What? You think I brought you here because of your parents?”</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>“What do you think? Now eat. I want to show you all the good places before you go back home.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. To Cut a Long Story Short</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  &lt;
</p><p> </p><p>Elio had been a little embarrassed when Oliver had listed off all his favorite places in London, and he had simply nodded along – not a clue what most of them were. And so far from hanging out with Oliver, he figured it could be anything from a historical museum to some underground nightclub. So when Oliver had asked him where he wanted to go first, he had simply picked a name at random.</p><p>They had ended up at another market – this one even larger than the one they had gone to the day before. Elio had stood there, unable to form a full sentence, simply too overwhelmed at the things he was seeing. Too distracted by the people around him to notice that Oliver was going behind his back, buying every other thing he was pointing out to him.</p><p>It isn’t until they sit down in the park for lunch that Elio notices the bags – a little embarrassed that he hadn’t noticed them before.</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“Why don’t you have a look?”</p><p>Elio takes a peek into one of the bags, his cheeks flushing when he sees the shirt he had stood staring at, wishing he was the kind of person who could pull off wearing something like that. And then, wishing he was the kind of person who hadn’t wasted his money and who could actually afford a shirt like that. He had only pointed it out to Oliver because he couldn’t get over how beautiful it was, not because he wanted him to buy it. And when he looks into the other bags and finds more things he had checked out, he can’t help but feel a little uneasy.</p><p>“I can’t… I can’t afford all this, Oliver.”</p><p>“So?” Oliver shrugs. “You like them, right?”</p><p>“Yes, but that’s not…,” Elio tries, thinking of how he can put it without sounding ungrateful. “I don’t need you buying me things.”</p><p>Oliver reaches out and he places a hand on the side of the younger man’s neck, something so soft in his smile that Elio immediately feels guilty for trying to reject his gifts.</p><p>“I just want you to be happy. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“You didn’t,” Elio lies. “I just feel bad, because I can’t… you know… I can’t do the same for you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Oliver reassures him, but then the smile on his face grows mischievous, and he adds, “Well… actually there is one thing you could do for me…”</p><p>“Right…”</p><p>“Will you go out with me tonight?”</p><p>Elio can’t help but laugh, because of course he’ll go out with him. What else is he going to do?</p><p>“Is that a yes?”</p><p>“Of course,” Elio laughs, but when Oliver leans in to kiss him, he quickly stops. Sure enough, they kissed at the club, and in the alley even. But the club had felt like a safe environment. Kissing out here at the park – where everyone can see them – it gives him nervous butterflies.</p><p>Oliver seems to notice his hesitation, because instead of kissing him, he just flashes a smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just…”</p><p>“Relax, it’s fine,” Oliver reassures him. “Where do you want to go to next?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The summer sun had made them drowsy and instead of going anywhere, they had stayed at the park. They had lain there, talking about books, about music. Elio hadn’t taken Oliver for much of a music-fan when he had first seen him, but Oliver had told him all about his favorite bands, his favorite records. The bands he had seen since coming to London. It had only made Elio love him more.</p><p><em>Like</em> him more, he quickly tells himself.</p><p>There is no point in falling in love with him when they will have to say goodbye to each other in a matter of days, is there?</p><p>But every time he thinks about Oliver, about his smile – about that twinkle in his eyes – he can feel those butterflies, and he hates himself for letting things go this far. This is exactly what he wanted, yet now that he has it, he knows he’ll have to let it go again, and it only hurts more.</p><p>It’s too late to turn back now though.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Where are we?” he asks, as he follows Oliver down the stairs of an old building that night – a little nervous when he hears the loud the music blaring from the speakers.</p><p>“You’ll see.” Oliver grins, and as soon as they reach the dark basement, Elio realizes what they are here for.</p><p>“Wait…”</p><p>Elio gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees the stage, a small crowd already gathered in front of it. The thought of getting to see a band perform live making the adrenaline rush through his veins.</p><p>“I’m not sure you know them, but I’m sure you’ll like them.” Oliver smiles.</p><p>Elio jumps into his arms, and he kisses him – too excited to give a damn about who sees them.</p><p>It isn’t long until the room fills with people, and when the band comes on the stage – all of the members looking like creatures from another world, just like the people at the club from last night – Elio recognizes them, although he isn’t sure from where. It isn’t until they’re two songs into their set that he realizes their music had been playing last night, and that he must have seen their poster at the club.</p><p>Everyone is dancing, Elio almost losing himself in it – until he opens his eyes and sees Oliver dancing. He has the biggest, most carefree smile on his face, and Elio wishes he had a camera to capture the moment. But deep down he knows that it doesn’t matter if he has a picture or not; he will never forget this night. Or his time with Oliver.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio had been excited to go to London, but he couldn’t have predicted that things were going to turn out like this. He couldn’t have known that he was going to run into Oliver and spend a week with him, talking, dancing, kissing. Falling asleep and waking up in his arms. It had almost been too good to be true, from Oliver taking him and showing him around London, to buying him everything he could wish for. Even last night, when they had been out to dinner and Elio had made a joke about how he couldn’t decide what dessert to pick and Oliver had ordered every single dessert on the menu so he wouldn’t have to choose.</p><p>This week had been like a dream, even their little miscommunications and misunderstandings had already faded to the back of Elio’s mind, and all he could think about was how happy he had been out here. How free.</p><p>“I’m going to miss this,” he sighs, looking out of the window, wishing the sun wouldn’t be up yet – wishing they would have more time left together.</p><p>“Me too,” Oliver whispers.</p><p>“I know I have asked you before, but why didn’t you come to Italy?”</p><p>“The truth?” Oliver asks, and Elio gives a nod as he frees himself from the other man’s grip and he sits up in bed. “When your parents sent me those pictures of you… of your family… when I saw you…,” Oliver tries to explain, but then he just shrugs, and Elio can’t help but laugh.</p><p>“You didn’t think you’d be able to resist me?” he teases, more because he wants Oliver to explain himself than anything else.</p><p>“No, it wasn’t that. Something just told me it’d be better if I stayed away from…”</p><p>“From me?”</p><p>“From all of you.”</p><p>Elio almost wishes he wouldn’t have asked, because Oliver didn’t show up because he was trying to avoid him?</p><p>“I had a girlfriend,” Oliver tries, when he sees the hurt look on Elio’s face. “I figured it would probably be best if I spend the summer with her instead of…”</p><p>“Spending time with me?”</p><p>“No, Elio…”</p><p>“But it’s okay to be with me now?” Elio asks, wishing he wouldn’t sound so hurt, but he can’t help himself. “What happened to your girlfriend?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“You have a girlfriend?”</p><p>“Don’t give me that look. You have a girlfriend too, don’t you? Marzia?”</p><p>Elio almost tells him the truth, but then he just nods. Too embarrassed to try and explain why he lied to him in the first place.</p><p>“It just didn’t feel right.” Oliver shrugs. “So that’s why I never went to Italy.”</p><p>“Because you saw my face.”</p><p>“Elio,” Oliver laughs. “That’s not what I said. I <em>like</em> your face, okay? Haven’t you figured that out by now?”</p><p>“Maybe…”</p><p>“Maybe?” Oliver laughs, raising an eyebrow. He pulls the younger man back into his arms, Elio still not sure how to feel about this new information. But when Oliver begins to kiss him, he can already feel his worries fading to the background. Not wanting to waste their last morning together arguing over could-have’s and should-have’s.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio had managed to keep his tears in all throughout the morning, and during breakfast there had even been a minute or two when he had almost forgotten. But as they had gone back up to their rooms, Elio had broken down. He had gone into the bathroom, turning on the taps – hoping it would hide just what was happening. But Oliver had come in anyway, and he had simply wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. He hadn’t said a word though, because what was there to say?</p><p>Elio had almost asked him to come back to Italy with him, meet his parents and have another week or two together. But the truth is that he doesn’t have a clue what Oliver’s plans are – how long is he planning on staying in London. How long he has been here in the first place. Sure, he had wondered, but every time the questions were about to come up, Oliver had changed the subject.</p><p>So Elio had let it go, and he had stood there in the bathroom, Oliver holding him and kissing the top of his head. Whispering sweet nothings that did very little to comfort him.</p><p>Now that they’re at the station, Elio is struggling to fight his tears again. Just a week ago he had stood here, and sure he had known about <em>Oliver </em>– the stranger in the picture. But he had had no idea that he was about to fall in love for the first time, that he was about to be shown the life and freedom that he longs for, only to have to say goodbye to it all again.</p><p>He feels like he can’t breathe, and although he opens his mouth to speak, not a word comes out.</p><p>“Come here,” Oliver whispers, pulling him into his arms again.</p><p>“I don’t want to go,” Elio finally manages to get out when Oliver lets go of him. “Am I ever going to see you again?”</p><p>“Elio…”</p><p>“Will you come see me?” Elio blurts out, preparing himself for the other man’s rejection. But Oliver gives a small, hesitant nod. “You will?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“In the winter?”</p><p>“I’ll be there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Empire State Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>After getting back home, Elio had tried his best to fake a smile as he had sat down with his parents to tell them all about the time he had spent travelling. But he could tell from their worried looks that they knew how hard he was fighting to keep his tears in. That every word was a struggle, every memory of London bringing him closer to breaking down.</p><p>So his parents had excused him, and he had spent the following days up in his room. Too tired – too heartbroken to even come downstairs to eat. Mafalda would come in and bring him food though, muttering something about how skinny he looked. How he needed to get out into the sun and eat more.</p><p>Elio would just say a thank you, the automatic pilot taking over. Too tired from crying to explain why he needed some time to himself.</p><p>But this morning he had finally gotten out of bed again, and he had opened his suitcase, only to find a polaroid of himself and Oliver. One that was taken outside of the nightclub they had gone to in Covent Garden. Oliver has his arms wrapped around him in the picture, and he is kissing his cheek. The photo of them laughing and nearly falling over either left behind at the hotel or still with Oliver.</p><p>Seeing the polaroid again had made him fall to his knees, having cried so many tears over the last few days that he thought he could cry no more. But as he had sat there, staring at the two of them, it had nearly broken him. A voice in the back of his mind telling him that things were never going to be like that again. That whatever they had shared, it was over now.</p><p>He is still devastated by the time he gets downstairs, but just as his mother sits him down to ask him what the hell has happened to make him this upset, his father comes in with a big smile on his face.</p><p>“Look what came in the mail.”</p><p>“I’m not sure Elio cares right now,” Annella tries, a sympathetic smile on her face as she pats Elio’s hand.</p><p>“It’s for you.” Samuel smiles, handing Elio the Covent Garden postcard.</p><p>Elio doesn’t need to look to know who it’s from, his cheeks already flushing at the thought of Oliver still in London thinking about him. Missing him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>London’s not the same without you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>See you later!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oliver</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Elio almost tells his parents another lie, but he can tell from the grin on his father’s face that he has read Oliver’s message, and that he has seen his name.</p><p>“I ehm…,” Elio begins, realizing his voice is coming out all wrong. Nervous that his parents will see right through him and know exactly what he and Oliver have gotten up to together. “I met Oliver,” he manages to bring out. “The guy who was supposed to be here last year? I ran into him.”</p><p>“Oh?” Annella smiles. “What a wonderful coincidence.”</p><p>“Mhm…”</p><p>“What was he like?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Elio shrugs, feeling his hands getting clammy. “Nice, I guess. I didn’t really… we just… he showed me around London.”</p><p>“That’s nice of him,” Samuel says, but when Elio sees him sharing a look with his mother, he sighs.</p><p>“We hung out a few times,” he admits. “I sort of… may-have-invited-him-to-come-and-stay-here-this-winter?”</p><p>“You did?” Annella asks. “What did he say?”</p><p>“That he’d be here.” Elio shrugs. “But I don’t know. He was probably just being friendly, right?” he chuckles awkwardly, not wanting to show his parents just how much it had meant to him that Oliver had told him he’d be there. Or how much his card means to him. How badly he wishes Oliver was there with him right now so he could kiss him, and…</p><p>“Elio?”</p><p>Elio snaps out of his thoughts, his father clearly having asked him a question which he hasn’t heard.</p><p>“Is there anything you’d like to tell us?” Samuel asks. “You were so upset when you got back, and now this card…”</p><p>“No,” Elio quickly says. “Nothing. I was just tired.”</p><p>Samuel and Annella share a knowing look, Annella giving her son a pat on the hand before getting up.</p><p>“I’m glad you got to spend time with Oliver, darling. I can’t wait to meet him.”</p><p>Elio gives a nod, nervous jitters in his stomach when he thinks about his parents meeting Oliver. Something about it being too real, yet at the same thing seeming like too much of a fantasy.</p><p>“Elio?” Samuel asks after his wife has left the room. “Did something happen while you were away?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You know you can tell us anything, don’t you? If something happened, or you met someone…”</p><p>“I didn’t… I mean, I met Oliver, but he’s… I stayed at his hotel. I ran out of money, and he looked after me.”</p><p>“Did you stay with him in his room?” Samuel asks, Elio knowing what it is that he’s really asking. “It would be okay with us, you know? If you and Oliver…”</p><p>“I know, dad. But nothing happened. He looked after me and made sure I could eat. That’s all.”</p><p>“Okay,” Samuel says, flashing a smile, but unable to hide the worried look on his face. “You come talk to us if…”</p><p>“I will,” Elio quickly says. “But I’m fine.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio is in bed, staring at the postcard he received from Oliver the other day. He wishes he could send a card in return or give Oliver a call, but he doesn’t have an address for him, and he had only given him his phone number. To be honest, he’s not even sure if Oliver is in London anymore, or where he lives if he has gone home, so he has no way of contacting him. Which only makes him more nervous that he won’t ever see him again, constantly reading over his words to reassure himself that he’ll see him in the winter.</p><p>If Oliver won’t forget or cancel again, that is.</p><p>He sighs, tired of feeling like this – of that constant feeling of missing, of longing. But just as he’s about to get up, there’s a knock on the door. He’s expecting it to be Mafalda again, coming to scold him for hiding away, or bringing him something to eat. But when he sits up, he finds Marzia standing in the doorway, looking even more beautiful than she had done last summer.</p><p>Elio feels an odd fluttering in the pit of his stomach, but he quickly pushes the feeling down. Because they’ve been there, they’ve done that, and it didn’t end well. If he were to go there again, he would only be doing it to try and distract himself from the pain he’s feeling. It would be a distraction, and it wouldn’t be real.</p><p>Still, he catches himself staring at her, and she seems to notice, because she shakes her head laughing as she closes the door behind her.</p><p>“You look…”</p><p>“Thanks,” she laughs. “May I?” she asks, pointing at the bed.</p><p>Elio gives a nod, Marzia sitting down next to him on the bed, her bare leg touching his. For a moment his body takes over from his mind, and he gently caresses her leg, his hand sliding up to her thigh. But she playfully pushes him away.</p><p>“Elio! Don’t.”</p><p>“Sorry.” He grins sheepishly. “How have you been? How was your summer?”</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” Marzia admits. “But your parents told me you were…” She notices the card lying next to Elio, and she points down at it. “What’s that?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s nothing.”</p><p>“Are you blushing?” Marzia laughs, teasing her bare foot against his leg, only making his blush grow darker. “What’s her name?”</p><p>Elio wants to tell her a lie, especially after what had happened between them last summer, but he knows that it wouldn’t be fair on her. So he checks to make sure the door is closed – not ready for his parents or Mafalda to know – before taking a deep breath.</p><p>“I did meet someone,” he admits, the smile on Marzia’s face growing bigger.</p><p>“Go on, tell me.”</p><p>“But it’s not a she.”</p><p>“Oh…” Marzia’s smile fades, and Elio gives a small nod, preparing himself for her to freak out on him. To tell him off, to call him a liar, a cheat. To run downstairs and tell his parents. But none of those things happen, and after a minute’s silence, she lets out an awkward chuckle. “Wow. Does that mean… when you and I…? Is that why you broke up with me?”</p><p>“Sort of… I mean, I never lied to you or anything,” Elio quickly says, knowing fully well that that’s not true, but not wanting to hurt her again. “I just… yeah…”</p><p>“So this ehm… this man you met…”</p><p>Elio can see how uncomfortable Marzia is, but how she’s trying her best, and he couldn’t be more grateful.</p><p>“<em>Oliver</em>.”</p><p>“Oliver?” Marzia asks, a small smile forming on her face. “What’s he like? Are you in love with him?”</p><p>“I think so.” Elio nods, kicking himself for admitting this out loud. But he grabs the book from his bedside table, and he takes the polaroid out, before handing it to Marzia.</p><p>“Oh, wow…,” she says, staring down at it. “You look different. Older.”</p><p>“He bought me that shirt,” Elio blurts out, before telling Marzia all about how Oliver had invited him to stay at his hotel, how he had showed him his favorite places. How he had promised to come see him.</p><p>“Is he your boyfriend?” Marzia finally asks, Elio wishing he could say yes. But he sighs, shaking his head. “Why not?”</p><p>“He has a girlfriend,” Elio admits, trying hard to ignore Marzia’s look of disapproval.</p><p>“Elio…”</p><p>Elio lets himself fall back onto his bed, still as confused about things as before. If not more.</p><p>Marzia lies down with him, tucking herself underneath his arm, something about her touch bringing him back to last summer. To those kisses that had left him bored, the meaningless fucks.</p><p>Yet he finds himself caressing her arm, her lips quickly finding his.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio is still lying on his bed, watching Marzia as she’s putting her dress back on. A gnawing feeling of guilt washing over him.</p><p>“Marzia…”</p><p>“I know,” she quickly says, flashing a reassuring smile as she turns to face him. “You are in love with Oliver.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I met someone too.”</p><p>“You did?” Elio asks, wondering if what he’s feeling is jealousy or relief. “Who is he?”</p><p>“Tony. He was here with his family for a few weeks, before they went back to America,” Marzia says, a nervous smile on her face. “I don’t… I’m happy for you, Elio. That you met Oliver. And this, it’s…”</p><p>Elio all of the sudden feels very exposed, Marzia’s eyes burning on his skin. So he quickly grabs his boxers off the floor, but even as he’s putting them on, it doesn’t make him feel any less naked.</p><p>“Elio? Are we still friends?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“I’m not going to tell anyone about you and Oliver,” Marzia quickly says, flashing a reassuring smile as she sits down with him on the bed.</p><p>“I really like him,” Elio whispers, that mix of guilt, shame and missing Oliver hitting him like a ton of bricks. The distraction of spending a moment with Marzia already gone.</p><p>“Then tell him that.”</p><p>“I don’t even have his number.”</p><p>“Well, then when he comes to see you, tell him how you feel. I mean, he’s coming all this way just to see you, right? That must mean something.” Marzia shrugs, but Elio can tell that she has the same doubts he has. Is he going to show up at all? What about the girlfriend? What if none of it had meant anything?</p><p>“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”</p><p>“Then at least you’ll know. Tell him, Elio. What do you have to lose?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Then There Was You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>“Is that him?” Marzia asks, pushing Elio out of the way to get a peek at the American who has just arrived at the villa. “Oh wow, he looks…”</p><p>“Even better in real life?” Elio suggests, butterflies in his stomach as he watches Oliver get out of the cab. “I told you, he’s…”</p><p>“Alright.” Marzia shrugs, flashing a mischievous grin when Elio elbows her playfully. “I’ll leave you to it, then… to <em>catch up</em>.”</p><p>Elio glares at her, before giving her a big hug, happy that she is still his friend – even after he broke her heart and has spent the last months talking to her about Oliver either over the phone or in real life.</p><p>“Good luck.” Marzia winks, before leaving Elio’s bedroom and making her way out of the villa where she finds the American looking around awkwardly.</p><p>“You must be Oliver.” She smiles, before leaning in to kiss his cheek. “I’m Marzia.”</p><p>“The girlfriend.” Oliver nods, Marzia for a moment not a clue what he’s talking about. Until she remembers Elio telling her that Oliver has a girlfriend and she realizes that the idiot must have lied to him about having a girlfriend as well. She tries not to roll her eyes as she fakes a smile.</p><p>“Yes… the girlfriend. That’s me.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Marzia.”</p><p>“You too. He ehm… Elio is inside,” Marzia says, and with a wave she leaves.</p><p>Oliver hesitates for a moment, but just as he’s about to finally step into the villa, Elio comes outside – a nervous smile on his face. Still not entirely sure if Oliver is real. Having dreamt of this moment for so long that it almost seems too good to be true.</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” he says, realizing that his voice is shaking with nerves. “I wasn’t sure if you’d show up after…”</p><p>“After last time?” Oliver suggests. “I told you I’d be here, didn’t I?”</p><p>Elio gives a nod, still standing there awkwardly – not entirely sure where to go from here. But when Oliver sets down his bag before opening up his arms, he doesn’t hesitate to crash into him.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too,” Oliver whispers into the younger man’s hair, but when he hears another voice, he quickly lets go of him.</p><p>“Ah, Oliver!” Samuel smiles as he comes up to them. “It’s so good to finally meet you!”</p><p>“You too, Professor.”</p><p>“Call me Samuel, please. How was your flight, did you…?”</p><p>Elio is left standing there as his father leads Oliver into the villa – not even noticing that he was interrupting. His enthusiasm having got the better of him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Elio had been thinking about their reunion from the moment they had said goodbye at the station. In his fantasies Oliver would pick him up in his arms, he would carry him up to his room and they would spend the rest of the day in bed doing… well, that part differed each time, depending what mood he was in. But what remained constant was that they would get to spend time together – as they had in London. He hadn’t considered that Oliver would be spending the whole day talking to his parents, that they would get to share no more than a few glances and an interrupted hug.</p><p> </p><p>He is already in bed that night - grumpy because of the way the day went – when his bedroom door opens.</p><p>“Your room is through there,” he grumbles, not even looking up at Oliver. There is no reply though, so he opens his eyes, only to find Oliver closing the door, a mischievous smile on his face. “Your…”</p><p>“Yeah, I heard you,” Oliver whispers, ignoring his words and coming over to his bed instead. He kicks off his shoes before getting out of his clothes and getting into bed with him. Elio too shocked to say anything.</p><p>Oliver had been the one hesitant to sleep with him in the first place, nervous about his parents finding out even though they were in London. Yet here he is, willing to sleep with him in their own home?</p><p>“What are…,” he whispers, but when Oliver wraps his arms around him, he keeps quiet. He had half-expected him to kiss him, but there is something soft, almost pained in his touch. “Hey, Oliver?”</p><p>“I missed you,” Oliver whispers, his arms still wrapped tightly around him. “What we had…”</p><p>“Had?” Elio asks, not failing to notice the past tense.</p><p>“You know we can’t do that anymore, right?”</p><p>“Why not? Because of my parents?”</p><p>“We just can’t,” Oliver whispers, his voice breaking. This man, who had held it together, even when they had said goodbye, seems to be close to breaking down, and Elio can’t help but wonder what he is thinking right now. What it is that has changed since they had last seen each other.</p><p>He knows he has to try and show Oliver that he loves him though, so he lifts his head to kiss him. Oliver returning the kiss, but something in it feeling distant. Something telling Elio that he is only kissing him back not to hurt him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Elio.”</p><p>Elio gives a small nod, before laying his head on Oliver’s chest – scared that if he asks any further, he will get answers he isn’t ready for.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Elio had woken up this morning Oliver had already been gone and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had dreamt the whole thing. But when he had found the note on his desk with another apology on it, he knew that it had really happened. He had fallen asleep in Oliver’s arms again – just as he had wished for since leaving London – but it had been far from how he had imagined it.</p><p>He had found Oliver having breakfast with his parents, nothing from the way he was behaving showing that he had spent the night in Elio’s bed. Or that he was truly feeling sorry for breaking Elio’s heart, which made Elio wonder if he realized how much he had actually hurt him. If perhaps, what they had had in London had been nothing more than fun to him, and he had finally come to Italy because he had simply enjoyed spending time with him. Not because he had the same kind of feelings for him.</p><p>Elio had found himself avoiding him that morning, going for a long walk in the snow – to try and find some peace and quiet and try and stop himself from feeling so upset. Because Oliver had told him, right? There’s a girlfriend. So he should have seen this coming.</p><p>When he had come back – just in time for lunch – he had found Oliver chatting to his father again. Samuel obviously charmed by the American, but Elio could feel himself starting to resent him for coming to Italy. He knew that it wasn’t fair on Oliver though, so he had faked a smile as he had sat down with them.</p><p>But just as they get up to have lunch, Marzia steps into the room. Elio almost considers going up to her to kiss her, just to spite Oliver, but he knows that there would be no point. So he gives her a hug instead.</p><p>“Can we talk?” she whispers into his ear, giving Oliver a little wave as though she isn’t digging her nails into Elio’s back right now out of frustration. She drags him into the next room, and before Elio even gets a chance to think about what he has done to her this time, she has hit him in the arm.</p><p>“Ouch! What was that for?”</p><p>“I’m your girlfriend?” she asks. “Really?”</p><p>“Oh… yeah, about that…”</p><p>“You could have warned me,” she grits through her teeth. “You’re an idiot, Elio.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“Are you?” Marzia cocks an eyebrow, a knowing look on her face, but Elio just shrugs.</p><p>“Are you staying for lunch?”</p><p>“What? So you can try and make Oliver jealous?” Marzia teases, her smile telling Elio that she has already forgiven him. “I am not kissing you.”</p><p>“We’ve done more than that, haven’t we?” Elio asks, nudging her in the arm.</p><p>“Fuck off, Elio.”</p><p>“I’m kidding. Stay, please.”</p><p>“What happened?” Marzia asks. “I know that look.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter.” Elio shrugs, trying to fake a smile but failing miserably. “Let’s eat.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>He pulls her in for a hug - more because he could do with a hug right now than anything – before leading her to the other room, where his parents and Oliver have just sat down to eat.</p><p>He makes a point of not sitting down next to Oliver, meaning that Marzia has to take that seat – her glare enough to tell him that he is being petty again. But he can’t help it. He is frustrated, because he had been so excited to see Oliver again, and so far it has been one big disappointment.</p><p>“So… Oliver…,” Samuel begins, an uneasy look on his face – Elio putting it down to him noticing the uncomfortable silence in the room. Not realizing that his father knows something that he doesn’t. “Have you told Elio the big news yet?”</p><p>“Big news?” Annella asks excitedly, but when her husband avoids her eyes she sighs. “Oh…”</p><p>“No.” Elio shakes his head. “I don’t think so,” he says, starting to get worried when he sees Oliver grabbing his wine and chugging it down in one go. Clearly dreading having to tell him what it is. “Oliver?”</p><p>“I’m getting married,” Oliver finally says. “Next spring.”</p><p>“You’re engaged?”</p><p>“Yes.” Oliver nods, the wine glass shaking in his hand. “I proposed to my girlfriend – fiancée after I got back from London.”</p><p>“After you…,” Elio begins, but it feels like he can’t breathe, so he just nods. Trying his best to fake a smile and blink away his tears.</p><p>“Congratulations,” Marzia says, but it’s as though Oliver doesn’t even hear her, because he keeps his eyes on the glass before finally looking up at Elio.</p><p>He doesn’t say another word though. He doesn’t explain, he doesn’t apologize. The others around the table fully aware what has just happened and why there’s a deadly silence instead of the cheerful congratulations you would expect. Knowing that it’s best not to get involved and to leave it to the two young men to deal with later.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you okay, darling?” Annella asks when she finds her son sitting by the fire after a tense and uncomfortable lunch. “I know that it must have been upsetting to find out that Oliver is getting married.”</p><p>“I don’t care.”</p><p>“I think you do.”</p><p>“He can do whatever he wants.”</p><p>“That’s true.” Annella nods. “But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.”</p><p>“Why would I…,” Elio tries, but when his mother puts her arm around his shoulder, he sighs. “I thought he had come here for me. Because of what we had in London. If I had known he was engaged… He should have told me.”</p><p>“Perhaps he thought it would be best to tell you face-to-face.”</p><p>“What? Come all this way just to tell me he was going to get married?” Elio rolls his eyes, picking at the zipper of his boot. “I don’t know why he bothered showing up this time. What’s the point if he…</p><p>“Elio…,” Annella sighs disapprovingly, “He did come here for you. Perhaps not in the way you thought, but…”</p><p>“He didn’t come here for me at all.”</p><p>“Oh, Elio. You know that’s not true.” Annella smiles as she pulls him into a hug. “The boy clearly cares for you or he wouldn’t be here. So don’t waste the time Oliver is here sitting around mocking, when you could be spending it with him.”</p><p>“And do what?”</p><p>“I don’t know, darling. But… look at me. You will regret it if you go on avoiding him, alright? So go talk to him.”</p><p>Elio looks back into the fire, really wishing he could hide away until Oliver has left – preferring to stick to the memories they had made in London. But he knows that his mother is right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="http://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/">You can find me on Tumblr! ❤️</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>